No Pants, No Shirt, No Service
by LittleNapoleon
Summary: Crack fic! Caroline, bored, suggests to throw a party that soon turns into "the house party from hell". Most characters featured. OOC drunkenness.
1. Prologue: Disaster On Legs

**A/N: Random thing that I've had in my head for a while. I read something like this in another fandom a while back. But, the idea is actually based off a show that I had watched a while ago titled "House Party". Sparked an idea of my own. So, I give you...**

**Warnings: Senseless crack! OOC drunkenness, and alcohol abuse. You have been warned. **

* * *

><p><strong>No Pants, No Shirt, No Service.<strong>

**Prologue: Disaster On Legs.**

House party.

A. Freaking. House. Party.

One that got completely out of had, of course, but nobody knew that at the beginning of the night. Elena Gilbert didn't even like the idea at first. She gathered that throwing a bunch of humans, vampires, werewolves, and witches; or in this case, one witch into the same house with alcohol and music seemed like a disaster on legs.

Then, of course, once people started losing track of all the people showing up, things got out of control.

Damon, of course, was all for it. Party? Booze? Woman? Hell yeah! But, Elena ended up losing him by the end of the night and found him passed out in the cellar with no pants, and a note attached to his back from Kol of all people.

Of course, that part of the story has yet to be told.

Stefan was gone by the end of the night, which Elena could have sworn that she had been with him at the start of the freaking thing.

But, Caroline, founder of the "house party from hell", was gone by the end of the night, too.

And Elena herself woke up back at home with a major hangover and a mouth that tasted like ass. She ended up wondering back to the boarding house where the aftermath was waiting for her.

Let's just say that she had never seen the boarding house so wreaked.

What happened to the attendants of the house party?

How did they get into the situations they were in now?

Well, it's kind of a long story...


	2. Chapter 1: A Little Party

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and responses so far! Nothing too crazy happens in this chapter, sorry. Just setting up the story! Enjoy! **

**No Pants, No Shirt, No Service. **

**Chapter One: A Little Party.**

"Seriously, guys?" The blonde vampire cheerleader placed her hand on her hips, watching her two best friends sit on her couch with rather depressing looks on their faces. Caroline was trying to have a little girl's afternoon with the both of them, seeing as the world just sucked and they needed some cheering up.

Bonnie and Elena had sat through one of those tearjerker chick flicks that, on any other day, they would have loved. But, Elena had been a funk due to her "Stefan longing", as Caroline tends to call it, and Damon was annoying her, as usual. Bonnie was in a depression about her mother and among other things that she mentioned in very vague detail.

Caroline wanted to get over her own problems also, but her little get together wasn't really going as planned.

"Caroline, you can't just expect us to just jump into this stuff," Elena said with a sigh, "especially after everything that has been going on."

"Sorry Caroline," Bonnie said, trying to give her friend a smile, "that movie was okay, though."

"You guys are being buzz kills," Caroline said with a sigh, "we just need to figure out something that will cheer you two up."

"The death of Klaus." Bonnie deadpanned, raising an eyebrow. Caroline chuckled.

"That could be something!" she said, Elena looking at the two of them.

"How about we try something that won't get us killed?"

Caroline seemed to think about this for a few moments, Bonnie and Elena watching her. Elena had to admit that it was nice to have her friends together again, even though Bonnie was a little bitter towards her still. However, she did appreciate what Caroline was attempting to do.

A look crossed Caroline's face, making Elena frown. She knew that look all too well. It was one of those looks that Caroline got when she had an "amazing" idea, which usually involved either alcohol or boys of some sort.

"I have just the thing," Caroline said, turning back to the two girls on the couch, "all we need is a little alcohol, maybe some Tequila, and music."

"I don't know, Caroline," Elena started, "our last party with alcohol didn't go so well."

"It'll be fine," Caroline assured, "it'll just be us. Or whoever you guys want to include. Hell, we can even have it here if we want. My mother is working late again tonight."

"It would be kind of nice to unwind." Bonnie said, though she was a little unsure about getting some alcohol in herself. She sometimes ended up saying things she would probably regret the next morning.

"Great!" Caroline said, smiling at the two. "I think I have an idea about where I can get some booze for this little party of ours."

"It won't get out of hand?" Elena asked, Caroline nodding her head. She had a look on her face that made Elena look like a little child in a back seat of a car, repeating every five minutes "are we there yet?". She sighed, giving Caroline a slight smile.

"Alright, fine," she said, "at least let me go home for a bit, okay?"

Caroline nodded, "oh yeah, go ahead. Be here by eight."

Elena nodded her head, heading out of the Forbes home and towards her car.

A party.

She wasn't too sure on the idea, since the majority of the time when someone tries to do something remotely fun around Mystic Falls, somehow vampires got involved and the night ends in tears or blood.

Or somebody dead.

_A little party_, Elena reminded herself, _Caroline, Bonnie, and I. No Stefan or Damon, just us girls and some fun. _

* * *

><p>So, somehow, Damon got involved. When Elena got a text when she was finishing off a bowl of soup for her dinner she <em>knew<em> that something had changed.

_Hey! Just letting you know that we are having our party at the boarding house. More room and drinks. -_Caroline.

Shit.

Elena had sighed, sending her back a cheerful reply that she would head over there in an hour. That she couldn't wait.

Once the clock rolled around to about eight at night, Elena was walking up to the Salvatore boarding house a bag of chips in her hands. She knew that it was better to not drink on an empty stomach. She knocked on the door, waiting for someone to answer.

A few moments later the door was opened by Damon, which she wasn't surprised to see. She looked up at him expectantly, Damon giving her one of those smirks that she found rather irritating. At least at the moment. She really wanted to get inside and get to the fun that Caroline had mentioned.

"Can I come in?" Elena asked after a few moments, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

"Let her in, Damon!" came Caroline's call, the blonde vampire appearing at his side a few moments later.

"I was, Caroline," Damon said, moving out of the way as Elena walked inside, "I'm letting you have this little get together in my home, you could be a little more nicer to me."

"Yeah, yeah," Caroline said, "you said you were leaving, you're not invited."

"Well, now that I see Elena is probably going to end up drunk, I kind of want to stay." Damon said with a smirk.

"Well, if you stay I might just stay sober." Elena replied back, handing the bag of chips off to Caroline who wondered off into the living room where Bonnie was sorting through some snacks. There were a lot of bowls and cups, Elena giving Caroline a confused look. But, she didn't question it as she helped fill up the bowls.

"So, we have music, drinks, food..." Bonnie said, Caroline looking around with a smile on her face.

"That should be good for now," she said, turning back to her friends. "tonight, I want to be a teenager again."

Elena nodded her head in agreement, a smile crossing her face. "I'm going to pace the drinking for a while, though. I don't think Damon will like puke on his floors," she paused, "you said he was leaving, right?"

"He's going to meet up with Alaric at the Grill," Caroline said, "and I told him that he shouldn't come back for a while."

"Knowing Damon," Bonnie said, pulling a chip out from one of the bowls, "he'll probably crash our little party."

"Hopefully by then we won't care," Caroline said, "so, I invited Matt..."

"Okay?" Bonnie supplied, "why does it sound like there's more to that sentence?"

"He said he would invite a few more people."

Elena fought off the urge to roll her eyes, reaching for a bottle off the table. He probably told two friends, who told three others, who told five...

"He might get a keg." Caroline supplied.

"You know if he's going to try and get a keg, he's probably inviting more than a 'few people'," Elena said, "which also means, screw pacing myself, I'm getting drunk."

"I agree." Bonnie said with a chuckle as Caroline rolled her eyes.

"You guys sound like it's a death sentence, come on, it's a party." Caroline said, following Elena over towards the fire place where she was already pouring herself a glass of the whiskey she had in her hand.

"Going a little hard there, aren't you?" Caroline asked with a smile as she pulled the bottle from Elena and poured herself a glass.

"I'm getting drunk," Elena said with a smirk, "might as well get there quicker."

"If you want to get sick, sure." Bonnie muttered, sitting herself down on the couch.

"I'm not going to get sick." Elena stated, Caroline laughing a bit after.

"You want to bet on it?" she asked, taking a sip of her own drink.

Elena thought about it for a few moments, "yeah, sure. How about who ever gets sick first during the night has to pay the other person five bucks."

"Fine, add another five for how many times the person gets sick." Caroline said, chuckling.

"I don't have any money, so I'm sticking to wine coolers for now," Bonnie said, getting up to grab the bowl of chips. "Here, at least eat something," she said, pushing the bowl off on Elena, "you want to drink the hard stuff first, do it on a full stomach."

Elena smiled, popping a candy into her mouth. "You are so going down, Caroline."

"Yeah, okay, Elena," Caroline said, turning around, "we need music!"

"And so it begins." Elena said, sitting down beside Bonnie.


	3. Chapter 2: Damon's Room and A Drive

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, but I hope this chapter is as fun to read as it was to write. :) **

**No Pants, No Short, No Service.**

**Chapter Two: Damon's Room and A Drive.**

"Caroline! Bonnie! Come, quick!" came a gleeful call from a rather drunk Elena, a smile crossing her face as she stood on top of Damon's bed, pillows on the floor and blankets messed up.

Caroline came stumbling in, a drink in her hand. Bonnie was probably the only one remotely sober, which was odd because she was drinking right along with them.

"What?" Caroline asked, looking up at Elena, who was bouncing on Damon's bed slightly.

"His bed is so bouncy!" Elena exclaimed, jumping around on Damon's bed. Caroline gasped, walking towards her.

"I want to see, too!" she exclaimed, trying to climb up into the bed. But, she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder. She turned and gave Bonnie a questioning look. Bonnie chuckled slightly, reaching for Caroline's drink.

"Here, I'll hold it for you." she said, taking the cup from Caroline. The blonde nodded, climbing up onto Damon's bed and was tackled by a drunk Elena, the two of them falling to the floor with a loud thud.

Elena groaned, attempting to push Caroline off her. "Ow, that hurt."

"I'm a vampire," Caroline said with a smile, "didn't feel it. You feeling sick yet?"

"No."

Caroline pouted, Bonnie watching the exchange and took a sip from Caroline's cup and winced.

"Wow, Caroline, what did you put in this?"

Caroline pulled herself off the floor and paused slightly, "I don't remember, but it tastes good."

"Yeah, you keep saying that." Bonnie muttered, giving Caroline her drink when the vampire reached for it. Caroline took a few gulps, turning to look at Elena. She was digging through Damon's nightstand, pulling out a few books and tossing them on the floor.

"Can't find my drink..." she muttered, standing up straight and ran a hand through her hair. "Have you-have you seen it, Bonnie?"

Bonnie chuckled, "I think you've had enough of that drink."

"But we just started." Elena said, rolling her eyes and staggered slightly, an odd bounce to her step. She waved her hands in the air a bit, turning on her heel and moved her hips a few times. "I'm going to get drunk."

"You are already drunk," Caroline pointed out, looking down at her cup, "speaking of, I'm empty."

"Refill!" Elena exclaimed, piratically skipping past them. Bonnie turned and went to follow her to make sure she didn't fall down the stairs, Caroline laughing at something that she thought was funny with Elena's skipping.

Elena ran down the stairs, wiping out at the bottom, but pulled herself up right to face a confused looking Matt.

"Oh, hi!" she greeted, patting his cheek, "you bring booze? For me?"

"Ugh," Matt paused when Bonnie walked down the stairs a few moments later, a smile crossing her face, "are you three already drunk?"

"Oh yeah, totally." Elena said, then seemed to look towards the table and walked towards it, claiming that the booze was calling to her. Bonnie looked at Matt.

"I've been drinking soda," she said, taking a glance at Caroline and Elena, "they are a little destructive when drunk."

"I can see that." Matt said with a chuckle, watching Elena topple over a bottle, spilling some of the liquid onto the floor. Caroline gave her a deadly look, but continued mixing random drinks into her cup.

"Well, I guess you better get settled, aren't you bringing more people?"

"Yeah," Matt said, "one of my football buddies is bringing the keg, people should be with him."

Bonnie nodded, taking a seat on the couch as Elena finished off what had to be her second drink that night. She was really a light weight.

"I'm going to warn you, there's already a bet going around." Bonnie said as Matt walked towards the table and picked up an empty cup.

"Oh yeah?" Matt asked. Caroline was eating a few chips and flicking the ones she didn't like at Elena, who attempted to catch them in her mouth, but was missing horribly.

"Caroline and Elena made a bet that the first one to puke pays the other five dollars."

"Which is not going to happen to me!" Elena said, getting hit in the cheek by one of Caroline's chips.

Matt nodded, fixing himself a drink at the table as Elena and Caroline continued their antics.

Caroline looked over at Bonnie after a bit, her eyes glossy and rather bright looking. "I wanna go for a drive! Bonnie, you drive!"

"Yeah!" Elena said, jumping up and down slightly, "we can pick up Damon and Alaric, and then maybe Stefan! Then we can...pick up..." she paused, then gasped, "Mikaelson manor!"

"No." Bonnie stated, Elena crossing her arms.

"Why not?" she demanded, "Damon will be with us, and Alaric. We can party there, too. I'm sure they have alcohol there, too."

"Yeah," Caroline agreed, "then we can take them with us. I'm sure they know how to drink, especially the younger one. What's his name, Elijah?"

"No, that's Kol." Elena corrected. Caroline nodded her head,

"That's not a good idea, guys." Matt said, agreeing with Bonnie.

"How about this," Bonnie said, "we can still pick up Damon and Alaric, seeing as Rick will probably keep tabs on Damon. But, how about we substitute the Mikaelson manor with a stop at a continence store. We need more food, anyway. Still, you two are staying in the car, we don't need to be pulled over by a cop."

"Your mom's a cop!" Elena exclaimed, saying it like it was supposed to be an insult, but only caused Bonnie to look at her darkly.

"My mom's a cop!" Caroline exclaimed, seeming happy that she thought she won the argument. "To the car!"

Bonnie only shook her head, fishing out her keys. She had a sinking feeling about this.

* * *

><p>"Bonnie!" Elena said for the fifth time, tugging on her seat belt, "I forgot my drink."<p>

"You don't need your drink." Bonnie stated, Caroline looked like she was going to doze off. Bonnie was driving down the road, Matt in the passenger seat, Elena and Caroline in the back.

"Where is the Grill?" Elena asked, "I hope Damon has booze, or maybe Alaric."

Bonnie only rolled her eyes as she pulled up to the grill, telling Matt to get in there and tell Damon and Alaric that they are welcome to come with them. Matt cast a slightly worried glance towards Elena, who moved on from complaining to singing along with the song on the radio. Caroline was resting her head against the window, her eyes closed.

Elena paused in her singing, swaying slightly. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Caroline perked up at this, a smile crossing her face. "Puke!" she started to chant as Bonnie attempted to tell Elena against that idea.

"That's not a good idea-"

"-Puke!"

"-I just got this car clean, and the leather seats-"

"-Puke!"

"-Bonnie, I really think it's happening-"

"-Puke!"

"-Well at least open the window-"

"-Puke!"

"-What button is it!"

"-The right-"

"-Puke!"

"Stop it Caroline!"

Caroline shut up, her eyes full of mirth as Elena pushed the right button to roll down the window. Elena leaned out of the the window, hanging halfway out for a few moments. Nothing was happening, Caroline watching carefully. She started to chant "puke" under her breath again, but Bonnie shut her up with another glare.

Elena pulled herself back into the car, a smile on her face. "Never mind, false alarm."

Caroline rolled her eyes, now suddenly fully awake. Elena only turned and smirked at her friend, Bonnie tapping her hands against the wheel. She hoped that nothing else annoying happened while on this drive.

Then, both Caroline and Elena started to sing along to Katy Perry to the radio, and Bonnie wanted to hit her head against the wheel.

Needless to say, Matt walked out to Bonnie with her face pressed against the wheel, horn blaring as Caroline and Elena sang loudly and off key to a song. Damon raised an eyebrow, both he and Damon both semi-drunk.

"Looks like a party." he commented, walking towards the car. Matt only chuckled awkwardly as Alaric shot them a disapproving look, but didn't comment on anything.

"To the store! Then to Klaus' house!" Caroline exclaimed a moment later, Elena letting out a load cheer as Damon climbed into the back with them, Alaric getting into the other side.

"Whatever." Bonnie muttered as Matt got into the passenger seat and gave her a look.

"I'll try and stay sober with you, these guys look like a handful." He said, Bonnie giving him a grateful look.

"Thanks, Matt," Bonnie stated, pulling her car into drive and started off down the road again, "it's going to be a long night."

"Damon!" Elena piratically yelled, like she just noticed him there, "where is Steven?"

"...you mean Stefan?"

"Whatever, I'm drunk."

"I can see."

"Which is a bad thing," Alaric piped in, "I thought you said this was just a girl's night out kind of thing."

"We wanted the booze," Caroline said, leaning her head against Alaric's shoulder, "and guess what?" she whispered, as if telling him a deep secret, "it is awesome!"

"Yeah, when you and Elena are the only one's drunk." Matt commented from the front, Elena sticking her tongue out at him.

"Candy! To the store Bonnie, quickly!" Caroline exclaimed suddenly, sitting up fully. Bonnie breathing out a sigh of annoyance. She really should have just sucked up and drank too, maybe Matt would be the one driving them around, not her.

"Bonnie?" Elena asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

"What?" Bonnie asked, looking at her through the rear view mirror.

"I think I'm going to be sick..."


End file.
